At the end of the day

I just found myself googling, “At the end of the day, what was it all for?” Very Carrie Bradshaw of me.

What was I expecting? A pop-up that said “Andrea, the reason you left your job at ACME Co. only to fall into the worst possible scenario at the new job, that left you no other choice but to quit three months later because you couldn’t deal with the lack of professionalism and you now find yourself unemployed, which wasn’t part of the plan is because ___________ .” OH SNAP! No such pop-up appeared.

That’s what happened, you know. For the sake of privacy and of course, for the sake of my future career, I can’t spare details (that is, until my blogging becomes a career in and of itself, then hell yeah, I’m telling everybody, everything!) Right now, all you really need to know, I guess, is that I’m currently unemployed. Or “in-between jobs” as we like to say in the U.S. Or actively participating in the interview process of various companies. Not working. Against my will not working.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! – I repeat this in my head several times a day, like some kind of frantic teenager who thinks she has no control over her life and what happens to her.

When I left “ACME” (because obviously I’m not going to tell you the actual name of the company I used to work for – duh!), I remember feeling that I didn’t really want to leave, not truly in my heart. I liked it there. I may have even loved it. To this day I feel that the company’s values, traditions, processes and way of thinking are completely aligned with mine. I remember thinking “please, give me a sign, say SOMETHING, ANYTHING resembling a suggestion that I stick around.” The only thing I got from them was “You could have stayed through Christmas. Leaving before then just seems wrong. Can’t you quit in January?” Obviously I couldn’t stay.

Companies are run by people. People are proud and people are stubborn. I’m not saying that my ex company’s people were either of those but I AM saying that I certainly was both of those. I was stubborn in that I wouldn’t accept, in any way, the limitations they were putting on me and my team. I was proud in that I wanted to show them that someone else wanted me and the offer was so great, I was willing to leave prior to Christmas (just a hint, I worked in retail and Christmas for retail is JACKPOT CITY.)

Now that I’m unemployed, looking for work, sometimes with the success of an interview, sometimes not, I wonder, what was it all for? Why did I leave in pursuit of greener pastures when at the end of the day, the greener pastures didn’t exist? Was I proud or was I right in wanting to leave because the way things were being run (and are currently run) didn’t add up? Was my boss proud for never once asking me “what can we do to keep you?” Am I too proud for even thinking/writing that?

regret quotesJust so you know (and because this is my blog), I miss my job at ACME. I miss the people, I miss the operations and I even miss my boss. I also remember that I hated a lot of things, mainly the cluelessness from abroad and the way I felt my team was exploited. Maybe I was right to leave for the promise of greener pastures. Maybe now that I have nothing I’m like that girl who left her nice, sweet, boring boyfriend for that badass, handsome rebel on a motorcycle who ended up leaving her for the lead singer of a punk band and then sits at home crying, wondering why she ever left the nice, sweet, boring boyfriend.

WillWorkForMoney

Whatever the case may be, I’m here now, unemployed and looking for jobs. References available upon request (unless we’re in Chile, then references are listed on the actual resume.)

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Holy sleepy pants, Batman!

Sooooo… how’s about someone telling me how in SAM HELL people manage to 1) work, while 2) going to school and 3) having kids. Seriously today propelled me into another dimension of sleepy pants. Not sassy pants but serious comfy, flannel, sleepy pants.

Ok, so I don’t have kids BUT – I do have a dog and yes, he’s a high maintenance dog and yes, I know it’s my own damn fault. Between getting ready this morning, feeding the dog, taking the dog outside, running to class and then running to work (another mall), I’m spent. And considering all the things I had to do just to make sure Obi (my fun and lovable bulldog) was ok, I swear to you, managing a kid in the morning can’t POSSIBLY be any different.  (feel free to get back at me when I finally do have kids at some point in the future.)

On my way to class I turned into a hypochondriac. I was certain I was about to literally faint from exhaustion. After running around at home, I was of course late to class. Stressed out and annoyed, I was also feeling achy because of my standing adventure at the local mall yesterday. It was then that I was certain I felt a flood of exhaustion (because obviously exhaustion is a LIQUID and not a gas as we previously thought) travel from one side of my brain to the other. Naturally I concluded that the effect was then the cause of my heavy eyelids and I was sure that at any moment – PLOP. I’d fall asleep on the steering wheel.

Needless to say that didn’t happen – BUT – what did go on to happen was, FOR SURE, the most excruciating class ever to be taught at any post-graduate level lecture hall anywhere.  I guarantee you that there has never, not once, been a more boring, mundane and useless class taught at any university, here or at the most extreme northern point of Alaska.

After about 2.5 hours of said torture, I was sitting in class (still certain that the liquid exhaustion was going to seep up into my eyes, a crazy gray color that would alarm everyone) when I looked around at my fellow classmates and concluded that, despite our age and despite the fact that we’re all professional, executives with very decent jobs, when we’re bored in class, we take on 13 year-old behavior. In my class notebook I literally wrote the following in the top-right corner of the page: “Odd behavior of bored, post-grad university students.”

  • One was playing drums with his ONE pen
  • Another one was checking her Facebook page on a laptop
  • Behind me, someone was doodling
  • Further on down the lecture hall, one of my close friends had taken the label off her water bottle, stuck it to the desk in front of her and proceeded to peel it off and on from the desk
  • Two people down from me, a classmate was answering work emails
  • Rows above, someone was playing “Chopsticks” on their phone’s keypad
  • In front of me, someone was setting up her Boutiques.com profile

Ok so I made up the last two observations.

The point is that today’s class was boring. The liquid exhaustion was slowly creeping up my head and, true story, I didn’t officially wake up until 10:45 am, despite the fact that I got to class at 9.

I’m considerably tired. The kind of tired where, if I was a parent and I had a kid with this kind of tired, I’d drag him to the doctor to make sure he didn’t have anemia or something.

Maybe this new strand of tired is affecting my ability to accurately and responsibly view my surroundings. After all, it was today that I decided that 1) my school’s bureaucracy is that of a fascist regime’s (why do they care if I’ve read all the chapters in our book and why do they insist on quizzing us on that? I’m 33! I’ll decide if I read or not!) 2) the Royal Wedding date announcement has, by far, been one of the most important pieces of news I’ve received in a good month and 3) it’s perfectly reasonable, and even my God-given right, to call each and every woman who says something remotely controversial about my dog, a bitch – to her face, and 4) I have some crazy liquid disease that seeps up into my eyes sometimes, causing that grayish tint you’re for sure seeing.

All of the above make absolute and perfect sense to me right now. That’s because I’m about to fall over, I’m so tired.

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