What´s on tap today ….

No big deal but…today´s the day … that which has been the bane of my existence as well as the light at the end of the tunnel. Today is.the.wedding. Boo-yah, I made it! WE made it!

A quick summary of the days that have passed: family arrived from the U.S. and my sister and nephew arrived from La Serena and since then, it´s been chaos and running around. I rather enjoyed it actually because my day-to-day is really, really standard. G´s kids are with us so that´s good news and it would seem that up to this moment, the b*tch face hasn´t reared her ugly head.

I decided to spend the night at my mom´s house to be with her, my sister and nephew and also to have that extra level of anxiety and excitement for when I see G at our “First Look” session with our photographer (and friend), Kyle. The fantas-great hair and make up guy will be here at 10:30 (so in about an hour) and I´m still in PJs by the way. Who cares? I´m the bride, yo!

Last night´s rehearsal dinner was fun, though of course couldn´t have passed without a family glitch (that would have been too perfect) when during our speech to the family we realized we hadn´t coordinated a dance combination for my mom (i.e. couple´s, uncle-bride dance, groom-groom´s mom dance) and she was, in a word, PISSED. What can I say? It totally slipped our minds… plus with three dances already ocurring, we wanted to keep it short! If G´s dad were alive and if my mom were married then there would surely have been a moment during the ceremony dedicated to both couples… but that´s not the case and as such, we just adapted… I guess without thinking about hurt feelings. ACK!

I loved being with my family though… and mixing them with my husband-to-be´s family. I had a great time and it finally hit me that HOLY SH*T baby´s getting married and these people are here just for us!! That´s a great feeling, ps.

In short, today´s the day peeps… we´ll see how it all turns out. The good thing is that the sun is out and SHINING like no other. It rained yesterday for the first time in months so I´m especially stoked that not only is it sunny, but it´s clean and clear! Although, to be honest, a little rain would still have been cool.

I´m going to miss my friends there but I know they´ll be with me in spirit and I know they´re all happy for me.

Crrrrazzzzzyyyyyyy!!!! And crazy in love too!

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It’s occurred to me …

… that I’m getting MARRIED in 2.2 seconds.

The whole reason I’m here in Chile, the culmination of months of planning, wanting to pull my hair out and cry and all things in between IS HAPPENING this Saturday. Crrrraaaaaaazy.

I can’t say I feel like a bride who’s about to partake in her wedding. I still don’t feel that. I do feel really excited that my Uncle Pato is here and it’s becoming more of a reality with tomorrow night’s impending Rehearsal Dinner with the fam. I’m having a Rehearsal dinner??? There was once a time when I was sure I’d NEVER get married. Who’d want to marry me? The one who’d been cheated on and who could only manage to find guys that needed all kinds of maturing?

Ah yes, but this one did find an awesome guy and this one IS getting married. In exactly 48 hours I’ll be someone’s wife and I’ll have acquired a husband – just like that!

This week has been full of sh*t to do for the wedding … starting with Monday when we had to go to Casablanca (the small, nowhere town where the winery is located) to do the “manifestación,” where one goes and gives the information of the witnesses who will bear witness to the actual marriage on the day and also to confirm the time and location of the wedding. That was fun… especially that one part when we realized the car had died … in the middle of nowhere, farm town Chile. I was sure the evil-ex had some voodoo doll of us and was messing with our technical fluidity when out of nowhere my fully charged iPhone just DIED due to “low battery.” Strange things are afoot at the Circle K … for sure. Needless to say we made it back to Santiago. And today has entailed ALL KINDS of running around – the kind of stuff I’ve read about on other blogs and have heard brides talk about when they discuss their wedding … that was my day today and OMG it’s my day tomorrow. Don’t even get me started …

In between all that I have to 1) work and 2) study for a quiz on chapters I need to read for class … of which I’m about 3 behind … and each one is nothing short of a zillion pages long – IN SPANISH just for sh*ts and giggles. Oh – and did I mention I have a high maintenance puppy??

Yes, I’m personally stressed but I have to say that the Chilean vendors did pull through and rally these last two weeks before the wedding. It would seem that all things are in order – thankfully enough. I’m sure you all remember my previous rants about said topic… I digress.

The bottom line is this: I’m going to be a married muffin and I really, really adore the guy I get to marry. Simply put – he’s the best. I can’t believe that I’m going through this amazing experience of planning a wedding and then partaking in everything we planned so diligently and put so much thought into.

No, I’m not the ultimate Bride.
Yes, I’m currently more stressed about school than I am when thinking about Saturday.
No, I don’t have wedding vows yet.
Yes, I’m a slacker.
And no, you can’t borrow my chapstick.

Until Sat then folks … single me has ass to kick and names to take.

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I’m cool with it

Sixteen days before my wedding and I’m wondering if I’m supposed to be FEELING something about that.

Everyone keeps asking me if I’m “excited” or “nervous” and wondering about how I feel regarding “the big day.” And I’m like … well… remember that one episode in Sex and the City when Miranda was preggo and everyone else made a big deal about it except her? She mentioned “faking a sonogram” when she learned that her baby was a boy. Squeals from everyone – even Carrie! – ensued.

That pretty much sums up how I feel. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say about the wedding at this point except the truth – which is: it feels like I’m planning an event that I’ll be attending and kind of hosting. Except for the hosting part, it feels like I’m attending someone else’s wedding.

It’s not how I feel about G because THAT FOR SURE makes me giddy. Just thinking of seeing him all dapper in his clothes and knowing we’ll be married makes me happy, simply put.

I just can’t be bothered right now with feeling or saying anything other than “going to a party on April 17th.” I’m stoked on the party since it will have all my favorite things so that will be cool. How many people attend parties where everything is exactly as they want? So that in and of itself has me looking forward to April 17th for sure. I’m also happy to be seeing people I know all dressed up, eating, drinking and generally being merry. And I’m FOR SURE eager to see my Uncle, who, if all goes well, will be arriving in Chile a few days before. Each one of these things makes me eager and happy to be involved with the festivities surrounding the wedding.

I’m going to conclude all this speculation of “What’s the matter with me?” and just say that I’m truly not the bridey bride AT ALL. I don’t typically like to be the center of attention in such an obvious way so that itself puts me in a different league than many other brides. I’m not even frantic about last minute anything. We don’t have our table descriptions, menus, favors, etc and only about 30 people have RSVP’d but I’m not even worried!

Although, it’s nice to see that people are excited for us. THAT also makes me really happy. I like to make others happy … G, my mom, my family, my friends. Making them happy makes me feel content and pleased. So if anything, I’m happy to give people a social life on April 17th, too!

The short answer to the “big day” question is this: I’m cool with it.
I’m stoked on marrying G and cool with the actual wedding. I’m grateful we can gather all the people who will be there and spend the TIME with them celebrating. I’m happy to see everyone around me smiling and sharing with us.

If this is a weird answer, I just repeat that I’m a weird bride, man. But I’m cool with it.

[Note: in exactly two weeks I reserve the right to post a completely different and completely opposite blog. One that oozes with stress, worry, anxiety and excitement, all at once.]

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Spilling beans?

Last night I had a few ladies over for happy hour and I have to admit, I got really excited about showing people my wedding stuff…to the point that Gonzalo kind of freaked out on me, asking me in an exaggerated tone if I was going to show/talk about all the details to such an extent that nothing would remain a surprise at the actual wedding.


Who else am I supposed to show the actual dress to? The shoes? The table descriptions? The wedding band? My friends aren’t here!!! They won’t be here! Isn’t it part of the excitement – and RIGHT – for a bride to show all the new jewelry she bought to girlfriends who can ooooh and ahhhh over it??

The thing is, I didn’t realize how much I wanted to share all this stuff until last night. Actually, I realized it yesterday afternoon. I was on a conference call with work and my mother answered the door. It was Fed Ex delivering my shoes and jewelry for the wedding. It was at that point, when I saw the items I had picked on my own, that I wanted to share with everyone and tell them “Look! Look! This is what I’m going to wear when I get married!” And that’s exactly what I did last night with the friends I had over. I may have gone a tad bit too far when I whipped out the wedding band but then again, it was a mere 8-9 women who saw it and of those, 3 are invited to the wedding … they make up a small fraction of the people we know and a small fraction of those attending … so I can’t stress about having bombarded them with wedding stuff. I just hope they didn’t mind! Ack!

The fact is, I’ve spent the majority of the wedding planning under wraps. Mum’s been the word! Gonzalo and I have picked things out together, decided on items, highlights, events, moments and everything under the sun – just him and I. I’ve chosen to not share many details about the wedding until only recently. It wasn’t until my final dress fitting that I even sent pictures to ALL my friends back home and it wasn’t until last night that more than two people saw my band, my shoes or jewelry. I can safely say as well that my hair accessories and how I’ll wear my hair has been kept mum … in fact, SO MUCH has been on the DL, now that I think about it. Some things, like my shoes for example, have made cameos on Facebook (as of today) and that’s ok with me. Why NOT share it? Again I ask, who else am I supposed to share all this with? And is it wrong to want to share?

Discuss amongst yourselves. Meanwhile, I’m going back to my secret life of a bride-to-be. :o)

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Lovely ladies

Can I rave a bit?

After writing an entry about how no one from the States was going to be traveling to Chile for my wedding and how upset I was about that, last night, three of them got together to throw me a bride’s dinner … just to remind me that though none of my friends could be with me during this time before (and during) my wedding, they were there with me and they are happy to celebrate with me.

And though I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again – I’ll look around on April 17th and be SO VERY happy to see the friends I’ve made here in Chile there with me when I get MARRIED! Married!!! There was a time when I first arrived when I thought I’d never even make friends with anyone, let alone have people care enough to show me that I’m not alone. But this year has proven just the opposite of what I thought when I first arrived. Between having them come out for my surprise birthday happy hour, sharing a joint bachelorette party with two fellow brides, attending their weddings and so many other little things in between, 2010 may be a year with below-par customer service in EVERY WAY, but the friendship category in 2010 is proving to be humbling.

Lovely ladies indeed … as my life forms in Chile next to the one I love, having a solid set of good girlfriends leaves me asking for nothing more. Mad props to them! Thanks for the pastel de choclo, algae flowers and ice cream!

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$%@^&$^ Chile!!! Really??

Um… so I’m going to make this short and sweet but it would SEEM like our band (which for NOW will remain nameless until I’m ready to seriously f*&k with their reputation here in Chile) is turning out to be quite flaky.

G got this “dato” from many, many recommendations and even after booking this band himself for a work event. Great show! Responsible crew! They were even the first vendor to offer us a CONTRACT – unheard of here in Chile! Well now if they so choose to make the ever-so-incorrect decision of flaking on our wedding, this contract will be enforced to the Nth degree.

The jerks flaked on tonight’s meeting. This meeting was meant to discuss final song choices, confirmation of play lists, etc, etc. On top of that, this band was supposedly going to provide us with lighting as well as amplification and generator for the entire event. KIND OF MAJE THAT THEY FLAKED TONIGHT!!!

And the thing is, they flaked after weeks trying to get in touch with them. We finally do get in touch with them and hear an excuse of “oh we decided to get married too” … and then they don’t show when we schedule a meeting. WHO DOES THAT?? I’m so sick of NO ONE taking ANYTHING seriously here in Chile! Even when you offer to PAY THEM, they still don’t budge. Even when half their money is riding on just FOLLOWING THROUGH, they do as they please.

The concept of “I’m paying for good service, you better bring it” doesn’t apply here in Chile. NOT.AT.ALL. In fact, we have three weeks left until the wedding, and the vendor who provides the tent FOR THE DINNER, hasn’t responded with a price quote. HELLO!!! We want to pay you f*&kers … what does it take to get you interested in $$$?? PRAY TELL!!!!

Oh, don’t mind me. I’m an angry, disgruntled bride right now … further I can’t BELIEVE how lame Chilean customer service can be at times. What does it take, people?? What …does… it…take?

Pray tell.

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The thorn in my side regarding the wedding

In yesterday’s post I mentioned the two weddings I attended the last couple of weekends. As I raved before, both were fabulous and each unique in its own way. One of the major differences between the weddings was the ceremony itself: one was a “civil” ceremony and one was a religious, more spiritual ceremony.

To give a frame of reference, the civil ceremonies can somewhat be equated to the majority of ceremonies we attend in the States (or at least in California). Many times, a couple’s close friend receives special permission from the State/County/Gov’t Entity to marry the couple on that particular day. That’s how my friend Amanda did it with her husband, as well as my friend Corey. If not this exactly, definitely something similar. There’s also the option to have a government officiant marry the couple “with the power granted to [them] by the State of XYZ.” These ceremonies may seem cold and rigid but that’s because you most likely have no idea what a civil ceremony in Chile is like. At least in the States, the couple is encouraged to state their own vows, tell one another the reason they are so in love and so sure that he/she is the one for him/her. Mucho romantico! All the legal jargon is taken care of in the States alongside the romantic jargon that the couple deserves to share. Love it!

In Chile, the civil ceremony is, in two words, a nightmare. But the thing is, the couple has NO CHOICE. If you’re lucky – yes, LUCKY – you will get an officiant who will allow you to state short vows. But the majority of the time, the officiants are annoyed that they have to be there in the first place, could care less that the wedding day is UBER important for both people getting married, and basically acts like a prima donna who’s doing you a favor with his/her mere presence!

Our experience so far with the officiant has been less than stellar. In fact, when G first made the trek down to the city hall of the town where we’re getting married, the officiant straight up told him that no, she no longer did evening weddings because it interfered with her life and why didn’t we consider moving the wedding time to before 1 pm? I swear the b*tch said this. As if my wedding would EVER revolve around a grumpy old woman from the middle of BFE Chile! My reaction would have gotten us nowhere and thankfully I wasn’t there when she said this. My wonderful husband-to-be is a TOP NOTCH schmoozer and not only did he get this b*tch face to ok the 6 pm ceremony but also agreed to do it on site. Mad props to G!!

On the other hand, when someone has a religious ceremony, it’s exactly as you see in the movies. The priest/pastor/rabbi/what-have-you marries you in a church/temple/again what-have-you, says spiritual things about the sanctity of marriage and marries the couple under God. Yes, the couple also has to do the civil part as mentioned above, but this is usually done the day before, either alone or with close family friends. The wedding itself, with party, reception and all is done via the Church because this is when Catholics consider themselves to be TRULY married.

Since I’m Catholic and so is G (along with about 98% of Chile) I’m going to refer to a Catholic ceremony from here on out. The couple who marries in the Church, marries after going through a series of “classes” to prepare for the sacrament of Marriage. For those who don’t know, the Catholic Church has Seven Holy Sacraments which are: Baptism, Confirmation, Holy Communion (also known as the Eucharist), Confession (also known as Penance or Reconciliation), Marriage, Holy Orders (becoming a person of God such as a Priest), and Anointing of the Sick (a rite done by an ordained priest or above). As a Catholic “ordinary” person, from the list above, I’ve gone through almost all the Sacraments I can achieve without being a “holy vessel” of God. Marriage is the final one since I’ve completed all of the above, as required, by the Catholic Church.

But I can’t receive/go through the Sacrament of Marriage.

The reason is simple and though I fully accept it, I can still state and write that it’s a thorn in my side. G was married before and was so via the Catholic Church. This means that he can NEVER again marry in the Catholic Church because he is already considered “married” in the eyes of God and also because, of course, the Catholic Church doesn’t believe in divorce. In fact, because Chile is a Catholic country, in 2004 Chile became one of the last countries in the world to grant married couples the right to divorce. 2004!!! I mean, that was like yesterday!!

Three things make me sad about not having a Catholic wedding: 1) the Priest actually blesses the couple and blesses the rings. God is thoroughly mentioned as being present in the union and further, APPROVING the union. 2) the fact that the Priest says something to the like of “What God has joined together, let no man separate,” tugs at the heart strings. Does that mean that God sees the previous marriage as real and ours as fake? 3) Though to some, maybe to many, this may seem ridiculous but I was raised Catholic. Though I am not as devout as perhaps I should be (I haven’t been to Mass in eons), I pray almost every night and thoroughly believe in God and the fundamental teachings of the Catholic faith (not all, but most).

And G knows that this is important to me and God love him, one of the times he was in the dinky little town where we’re getting married to take care of the civil business, he stopped by the Church to talk to the Priest to see if he would at the VERY LEAST bless our rings … and sadly, the Priest said no.

So what can I take away from all of the above?
First and foremost, I am in love and completely adore a wonderful man who also loves and adores me right back. I also believe that just because the bureaucracy of the Catholic Church won’t allow me to even have a Priest PRESENT at my wedding to say “God is with you,” doesn’t mean that God himself doesn’t look upon us with blessings and approval. I realize this just as much as I realize that I won’t be walking down the aisle with a long veil, approaching the altar to receive the Sacrament of Marriage. I can be bitter and wonder why the ex gets to have married him in a Church and I can’t but I’ve felt that before and it’s a useless feeling. Besides it never lasts long…one look, one moment with G and it doesn’t matter anymore. He’s with me now, he chose me and I chose him back.

The Priests don’t want to bless us but that’s ok — we’re already blessed. We feel it together, in our hearts, in our home and in every second of our story together.

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One month…and counting

It’s March 17th. And yeah, it’s St. Patrick’s Day too but it’s also officially one month until my wedding. When did THAT happen? You know, it’s totally cramping my anti-bride style to have this wedding sneak up on us the way it has.

Ah, but the one thing that has propelled me to whittle away at the planning is a friend’s wedding. Or actually two friend’s weddings.

I arrived in Chile last July and my friends Emily and Sarah were both engaged and planning their March 2010 nuptials. In the beginning they were just two girls, nice girls, I had met who were planning on getting married. Cool, I could relate. Then as the months passed and we hung out more and more, their wedding and my wedding were always a focal point of discussion. “What does your dress look like?” “Did you find a hair and make up person?” “What was the name of that videographer you found?” “Oh – I got your invite! I love it!” Other friends here even planned co-bachelorette parties for the three of us, which was all kinds of a good time. As my life began to take shape here, so did my friendship with them and as such, the wedding planning paralleled and weaved in and out of our everyday encounters. So when I was there to actually WITNESS their marriage and see everything they had worked hard on planning (in terms of the actual event) it meant a lot more to me than I had previously imagined.

And both Emily and Sarah, were stunning brides.

I have to say, the good thing about being the last of the three to get married is that I have had two weddings to learn from and to get ideas from. In fact, just from attending Sarah and Pipe’s wedding, G and I completely shifted around the actual setting of where dinner was going to originally be held. All three of us are using the same photographer and hair/make up guy and based on what I’ve seen with Emily and Sarah – me likey!!! And it also confirmed for me all the beliefs I had about brides: it’s our day to shine, to be happy, to be nervous, to be pampered and to feel like the center of the universe next to our husbands.

So that’s my wedding wrap up on those I’ve attended in the last two weeks (yes, do the math… back to back wedding weekends!) Two very enthusiastic thumbs up! Fine holiday fun!

And I’m left looking around asking “Ok, who’s next? Where am I off to now?”

Oh. It’s me. :o)

All righty then let’s bullet point the list of accomplishments thus far:

– we have a theme (It’s a surprise for now but will blog about it post event.)
– we’ve sent about 95% of the invites
– we’ve registered for gifts at Falabella
– I’ve had one dress fitting, will have the second one in the coming week
– have bouquets
– have shoes and jewelry
– tasted our food choices and reserved the cake (yum and yum!)
– figured out our table names/descriptions
– have sent the “guest book” to be made (not the traditional guest book, mind you)
– have my hair accessories
– had first meeting with our fab-u day-of coordinator (the good news is that she’s organized and totally gets our style! The bad news, she’s more organized than we are! But that’s good too!)
– oh and picked out the music for the main ‘events’ of the wedding

Absolute need-to-do’s:
– confirm the tent size, price and layout
– confirm the music with Band/DJ
– confirm random shiz-nat which are far too many to write here but just know that we have exactly one month to get all our ducks in a row and right now it feels like these dumb ducks aren’t ducks but rather, wriggly little pigs that are running away from us. In other words, chaotic.

Oh but who cares?
We’re almost there!!
And let me tell you – it will ROCK!

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Five more minutes & a blog post later

When I lived in the U.S. and used to wonder when and if I’d get married, I worried that the majority of my family wouldn’t be able to make it to the iconic event (iconic in my life, that is.) After all, I’m by NO MEANS from a wealthy family and most of my relatives are lower-middle class who can thankfully afford to live their everyday lives but who unfortunately can’t afford to live beyond that. Meaning, had I lived in the States, they most likely would not have been able to attend my wedding there.

Now that I’m in Chile, I’m seeing another side of this coin materialize. I’m going to get married without ANY of my good friends present. I’m serious. Zero. I’m talking college friends, post-college friends, best friend, family friends who are like blood relatives and those who have known me (and vice) versa since I arrived in the U.S. back in 1980 when I was 3 years old. Not one of them will be present on April 17th when I finally get married to the awesome guy I get to love forever more.

In short, I’m sad.

I’m not saying this in a “woe-is-me” fashion but in a very matter-of-fact kind of way. It saddens me that my closest friends won’t be here and that I can’t share this wonderful day with them. And while I’m not the first bride who isn’t going to have everyone she cares about present (hello – I’ve had to miss many weddings of people I consider myself very close to), I do think (perhaps incorrectly) that most brides have at least SOME of their friends present, if they can’t have them all. In my case, NONE of my U.S. friends will be there. So I’m here writing about it, as I drink a glass of vino, and in about five more minutes, I’ll move on from this sad realization and carry on with all that’s good about my wedding and life. That’s all I’m giving myself, people. This blog entry and five more minutes to feel sad about it.

The fact of the matter is that none of my friends are purposely NOT attending my wedding. There is so much that comes into play when a friend chooses to get married outside city limits. First, it’s time. Their time is as valuable as mine and of course coming to Chile automatically means at least 4-5 days of their time that they have to peace out from their lives. They might have a whole lot going on that just doesn’t allow for that kind of check out from their every day. I completely get that. Then there’s the earthquake. If there was anyone who was remotely considering coming down, the earthquake and all they hear about it on tv surely deterred them from acting on travel down to Chile. Finally, the all-encompassing issue about money. We all get that. I get that completely! One of my close family friends got married in Scotland and I wanted to cry when I couldn’t attend!! Why? Money of course! A ticket to Scotland, hotel in Scotland, food and other miscellaneous outings would have put my cost for that wedding upwards of US$2,000. At that point in my life, I just couldn’t do it even though there was nothing I wanted more than to see this person get married.

Cognitively I completely understand all of the above. Further, I’ve been on that end before and have lamented not being able to attend a couple of very important weddings. Logistically I TOTALLY get the reasons why travel to Chile is short of impossible at this point in time. In fact, it used to be that I was going to get married over Thanksgiving holiday this year. Then G and I decided “Why wait?” I know for sure that the change from November to April threw a good handful of people off. People who might have otherwise attended.

But I’m still sad (for the remainder of this blog entry plus five more minutes.)

For a second I even thought about doing a type of “reception” or “party” in the States in June when I’ll be there for work. But then I thought “Why?” My wedding is in April and that’s when I’m going to celebrate it. Yes, I’m sad that people who are very important to me can’t attend, but that’s just how the cookie crumbles. I’m not going to do one thing after another just because they can’t come down here. My wedding is April 17th 2010 – that’s how it will stay.

Alas – life goes on. And my life, in light of recent events here in Chile, gives me little reason to complain. I’m fortunate through and through. I’ve met great people here and I’m happy to know they will be there when I get married. After all, my life is here now and they get to embark on that new part of my life WITH me. I’ll be happy to look around and see their faces – I really, really will be. And my family will be there, not all of them, but the ones who matter most to me, will absolutely be there. How awesome is that?? Two of the three family members I have who still live in the U.S. will be traveling down to be with me – how can I complain?

It’s all good in the hood. I’m just a wee bit sad to think of my special friends who won’t be here … but starting now, that sadness is fleeting … five more minutes and it’s gone.

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Me lately

I’ve never looked or felt frumpier. You know those new moms that you see walking down the street and you think to yourself “Geez sister, pull yourself together. A little eye make up would work wonders on you right about now. And while you’re at it, pull that scrunchie out of your hair.” I’m on the receiving end of that. For the first time in my entire adult life, the roots of my hair are over two inches out. In fact, my hair is about two months overdue for even a haircut! … ask any of my close friends if that’s normal for me and they would assure you that you’re talking about someone else. I was formally known as the persnickety old aunt-type who liked to point out when someone needed to hit the hair salon STAT. I felt like I was offering a public service, really. Well the irony is that now, I’m that person I used to call out. Oh life, how you mock me! (and while we’re on the topic, hi uni-brow!)
And don’t get me started on my nails, both hands and toes…or the fact that I haven’t dressed up and worn any type of heels in daaaaaaaaaaays (to be read, “months”).

In a way, I am a new mom with the arrival of Obi-wan Kenobi on the 12th of this month. And I’m not sure having a puppy is all it’s cracked up to be. First of all, he surely hates me. I’m not sure why he doesn’t like me but he’s taking to growling at me (the mean kind, not the playful kind I keep reading about) and, of course, he’s taking to biting me. Let’s add that to the fact that I spend about 8 hours a day cleaning his waste so that he’s not running around in filth, making sure he has clean water, trying to remember to feed him every six hours, attempting to keep him clean, trying to train him to be a proper dog in a few months AND all the while waking up at 3 am EVERY morning because of his cries/whines. Of course I get myself out of bed and play with him and cuddle him as much as I can so that he feels secure and loved…And the thanks I get for all that? Bites and growls. Forgive me if for the time being I’m not quite understanding the whole “man’s/woman’s best friend” bit. I’m not saying that getting him was a mistake because I do have faith that things will get better. When he’s a little older and outgrows this stage he’s in, coupled with being able to take him outside so he can run free and mingle with other dogs (he doesn’t have all his shots as of yet) I really do believe that life will be pleasant. That’s part of what motivates me to keep training him, to keep teaching him right from wrong, to keep trying to make him a happy, well adjusted dog. But right now it’s no picnic. In fact, it’s downright dreadful.

I’m allergic to him, did I mention that? Yeah, I break out into hives whenever I hold him. I was having breathing issues too for a bit but then started taking Allegra AND we bought an air purifier with HEPA filter so things on the respiratory end are much more pleasant. For the hives I’m using a cortisone cream but unfortunately I can only apply it for a week … that means until today since a week ago I went to the doctor for said prescriptions that enable me to be near our puppy. Here’s a pic I took yesterday … this is WITH the cortisone cream. Though in its defense, I did initially fail to apply it to this region …

In case you haven’t noticed the tone of this post, I’m feeling slightly depressed and glum. This is why I closed comments on this particular entry. There’s no need to tell me that you relate to me, that you understand or that you’re sorry. Also there’s no need to tell me I need to snap out of it and stop feeling sorry for myself. I know all of the above and really, do appreciate any sentiment or time taken to express that sentiment. I’m really writing this because I simply just.felt.like.writing. After all, it’s one of my 2010 proposals/resolutions so I thought it to be quite appropriate.

My wedding is in less than two months and I feel like things are wrapping up nicely. Summer is coming to an official end here in Chile so I hope that means that vendors are finally going to be responsive and available. Though here’s a typical story… in November G and I went to the place where we want to get our cake and they told us that we were seriously too early to begin planning for the cake and that we should come back in February or March. All righty. So I called yesterday to ask about going in for the tasting and after answering the “when is your wedding” question, I’m met with:
“Oh honey, you should have come in a while ago! We’re taking orders already for next year! What are you waiting for?”

FML and F-them.

Needless to say we’re going this weekend.

But I have to say, despite all the planning and all the hoopla surrounding me in regards to weddings (two friends here are getting married in a couple of weeks, within a week of one another), I continue to feel like my own personal wedding is this event I’m planning in general and that I’m just attending as a guest. Like my own party I guess, but nothing major. In part I’m thankful for this feeling because it means I’m not stressing over details. Another part of me feels as if I’m cheating myself though! For myself personally, I pretty much have nothing. I don’t have a bouquet, I don’t have shoes, I don’t have “something blue” and I don’t have accessories. Yeah I have a dress and yeah, I like that dress, but it’s certainly not the over-the-moon sentiment I thought I’d have about my dress. It’s nice, I like it, I guess I look ok in it and that’s about it. Something tells me that’s NOT NORMAL!!!

The only constant is G and how much I love him and how much I love our life together. There’s no one in this world I’d rather be with and no one who could make this depressive, blue state I’m in even remotely worth treading through. But all that other blue stuff makes me kind of numb… similar to the affect my skin has with the cortisone cream.

In general, sometimes my life in Chile feels like it’s smothered in cortisone cream. I walk around not really being a part of this society and culture. I guess that sounds weird to those who don’t know how the stuff works. It’s more of a personal observation, I guess. I have a lot of them because when you don’t really integrate well in a society, you mostly live in your head… which later results in diarrhea of the fingers on a keyboard within a blog entry.

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