Hello! I’m the anti-Bride.

I wonder if anyone else thinks it’s weird that I haven’t really mentioned anything about planning a wedding in this blog I created in order to document my move to Chile and subsequent wedding. Except for that one tidbit I wrote about when I seemingly found a venue, I haven’t peeped so much as half a syllable about this said wedding planning that’s supposed to be taking place, like, now. The word “wedding” is even in my blog title and yet rarely shows up anywhere else on this blog. Well, this paragraph doesn’t count.

After months of deliberation,back and forth, deep soul-searching and the occasional joke about the matter, I’ve finally come to the conclusion – AND I’M EMBRACING – that I’m the anti-bride.

What does that mean, exactly?

As Austin Powers might so eloquently state, weddings just aren’t “my bag, baby.” The whole concept of a wedding – and PLANNING IT – is just beyond me. More so, it’s JUST.NOT.ME.

I finally concluded that the main reason I was even planning anything, deciding on a venue and discussing bridesmaids dresses, was simply so that LATER in life, I wouldn’t feel regret for not having had a wedding. I also wanted pictures (still do). But those two reasons, do not a bride make.

There are people around me who have either planned their recent nuptials OR are in the midst of planning and they seem to genuinely enjoy it. I’m really happy for those people because I’m sure that to them it IS fun. But when I tried to get into the groove of this said planning, it was like I was the new girl in the “I’m-engaged” sorority and was trying until I was blue in the face to fit in. Except all I ended up feeling was that I was that annoying girl, Patty Simcox, from Grease who tried in vain to get the Pink Ladies to like her but who just ended up getting kicked off the bench in song “Summer Lovin.”

My point being is that I finally accepted that wedding planning is not for me. In fact, me at my OWN wedding isn’t for me. Me in a white dress and my friends in their colored dresses and fufu hair, is not me. Invitations aren’t me. Flower girls and their dresses, aren’t me. Venue hunting? Not me. Trying to get lame Chileans to give proper customer services as you try to connect the dots in this wedding planning fiasco? Not me. Save-the-dates, wedding websites, registering and all that’s involved with that, is just not me. Well now that I think about it, registering might be me, but how can I expect gifts when I won’t let the guests watch what they paid for?

Here’s what IS me. My fiancee becoming my husband and me becoming his wife. Waking up the next day after having gone to the city-hall-equivalent and knowing he’s my husband forever. Our wedding bands. The first kiss we share after being legally and knowingly married. Having my mom, my uncle, some other close family members and the friends that can make the trek to Chile, right there with me. Going out to dinner right after and celebrating with people who KNOW ME and who LOVE ME. Throwing down some serious cash for first class ticket and hotels on our honeymoon? Oh yeah. That’s me. In fact, that’s US. All of the above is more “us” than anything “Brides” magazine has to offer.

Here’s the thing: I can play devil’s advocate. So maybe one can argue that I’m less intrigued with wedding planning because I’m already living with my fiancee. Or perhaps one can argue that I’m less than enthused because I’m in a country where customer service is almost non-existent and I have no idea how things work, especially in the wedding planning department. But not one of those reasons fit either. Whether I was planning a wedding in Paris or one in San Francisco, the entire ideology and wedding bit isn’t me, no matter where I find myself. And, well, as for the reason of living with my fiancee, in my opinion it’s just silly NOT to live with him, especially if I have the ability and desire to do so. And I know myself. If I want something badly enough, I will learn Chinese, climb Mt. Everest or learn to hand sign Swahili in order to get it. It’s just that I don’t want to plan a wedding all that much. In fact, I don’t WANT a traditional wedding at all.

At the end of the day all Gonzalo and I see is each other and our lives together. The future we’re forming, piece by piece, right now. Even if I someday look back and think “I should have had SOME kind of event” I know that I’ll never regret marrying him, even if we opt for the simplest way to do it. I don’t NEED or WANT to plan an event and I know that people don’t need to see us commit our lives and our love to one another in order to believe in what we have and what we can do together.

I feel fortunate to have people around me who will have or have had weddings. I can live vicariously through them and enjoy what makes (or made) them happy.

But me? I’m the anti-Bride and that’s ok… as such, I GUARANTEE my honeymoon will be just about as bad ass as they come!

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5 thoughts on “Hello! I’m the anti-Bride.

  1. I'm a firm believer in the fact that you should do what YOU want for your wedding, not what everyone else wants! I've seen brides nearly pass out from stress on the day of their wedding, making sure every detail comes together. I've talked to women who barely remember their wedding day because it was "such a blur." I think you should do whatever makes you happy, and focusing on a marriage is what's important.

  2. I was pretty much the same way when it came to planning my wedding. I wanted a party with the people that I cared about after they watched us kiss and say our own vows. Oh, and my dress had to be hot, that was the one other criteria. Aside from that, didn't care much about the flowers/food/decoration etc.

    Which is funny because now I really enjoy listening to other people talk about planning their weddings…maybe because I don't have to actually DO any of the planning 🙂

  3. Word. I was never one of those little girls who dreamed about a big, white, impressive wedding. Actually, the thought makes me sort of nervous. i would much rather have something small and intimate and not worry so much about tradition and details. So I get what you are saying. I think it's sort of a cultural invention and if it's not you, then you can find a way to make the day special for you.

  4. I was an anti-bride too. civil ceremony, no wedding. I never dreamed about a wedding and the idea of choosing colors, flowers, etc–not me. Wearing a white dress symbolizing purity-no thanks. Having one man "give me away" to another–I don't think so. (but I know I am a little hard-core). In the end, the day is about you, so do it how you want. The most memorable weddings are the ones that are more about personality than perfection.

  5. Despite this being the "anti-bride" post, I thought it was really romantic! I of course am all about the big wedding – not just any random wedding to show how fancy we are or how much money we have, but a party based on traditions that we enjoy and with personalized elements that are "us." If, like you're saying, something like that isn't you, then I think it's great that you can back away from the societal norm and decide to do something else! And if later in life you wish you'd done the whole shebang, you can always go all out on a vow renewal ceremony.

    Everything you said about what you want is to me the entire point of a wedding. It's not about the party, it's about starting a marriage with the one you love, surrounded by the people you love. And then jetting off to celebrate in style, of course 🙂

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