What kind of Chilean man marries a Gringa?

Back in February, my friend Kyle posted the most offensive blog I’ve read thus far this year! Actually, as you’ll see, it wasn’t really HER sentiments that offended but rather, the sentiments of random weirdos who contact her via her blog (unfortunately one of the pitfalls of blogging is that you’re “out there” in the cyber world and anyone, anywhere can contact you to say pretty much anything). In short, her blog post contains clips of emails she received from certain people stating how the only reason any Chilean man would consider dating an American girl would be for “purely sexual reasons.” And that mostly, Chileans want to “try Gringas” in the same way, he states, that one would want to test drive a new model car. Then there’s the mention that only women who have zero luck in the States run off to South America to try their hand at love, but that too will backfire since men here treat women pretty much the same way they did in the 1800s. Pretty much at ANY moment the “true colors” of Chilean men will come out and WHAM, SLAP, BAM! Abusive husbands!

Don’t believe me? Click on the link and read her blog for yourself then get back to me (or her) about how appalled you are. (If you aren’t appalled, step away from the computer and away from my blog.)

In 8 days I’m going to be married and as I’m writing my vows (or attempting to do so because I’m failing miserably) every so often I’ve remembered this particular blog entry and now I’m seriously thinking of each and every Chilean man I’ve met who has married a non-Chilean woman – my own Chilean man as well – and what motivates them to marry us or have a serious relationship with us. And as far as I can tell, neither the man nor the woman in each scenario is anything less than awesome in their own right.

I’ll speak of the women first since as a woman, I’ve got more material. To begin with, I don’t know a single non-Chilean woman who lives here that has come “running” from her home country in order to desperately find love here in Chile. Having made the move from the US to Chile less than a year ago, I can attest that there is no such thing as merely “running to” Chile. It’s not easy for us here, even if we have found love! Some American women I’ve met don’t even speak Spanish fluently yet they still manage to make their lives as best they can here. These type of women, in general, are not those who run away from something but in my opinion, run towards something!

In my own experience I believe that the women I’ve met here, myself included, are courageous women who have their head on straight and who know what they want and who go after it. We’re not the kind of women who sit around and cry “woe is me” about having a long distance love, but who pick up and go to see where destiny and fate take us. Further, many of these women initially came to Chile on study abroad programs when they were very, very young – even before love was ever an option in Chile! They left their comfy college surroundings, the light fare of everyday (or every other day) partying to trek to this land at the end of the world and to live with a random Chilean family (random at the time, mind you.) Hello – guts!!! Excuse me, but I know very few Chilean women – or women in general – who have done something like that.

In addition, these women all have jobs here and many are on the road to long-term careers. They’ve made friends, maneuvered their way through bureaucracy (and trust me, Chile has lots) and on top of that, we constantly prove ourselves to the fellow Chileans to counter any pre-conceived notion they may have about Gringas. Whatever that may be, we have to constantly fight to have them remove those stigmas from their minds and to look at US as individuals, not as part of a whole.

In short, the non-Chilean woman who finds herself in this narrow country next to a Chilean man is NOT weak-willed or running away or insecure or shy. We’re not full of issues that can “explain” why we’re here in the first place and we’re not the kind of women who will conform to what any society or culture says of us and how things “should” be. At least, this is my view of the women – myself included – I see. I see go-getters; I see strong-willed; I see adapting; I see adventurous; I see respectful; I see women who literally go to the ends of the Earth for love… And I’m sorry, but Chilean women do NOT hold the official, exclusive license on these attributes (don’t mind me and my unabashed use of work-speak!)

So then I ask you (particularly those dumb asses who posted on Kyle’s blog), what kind of Chilean man marries such a woman?

A ROCK STAR Chilean man, that’s who.

The man who prefers a strong, unique, adventurous, determined, committed and hard-working woman is not the kind of man who would even be interested in dominating such a woman! The man next to us is just as strong, just as determined and takes pride in having a partner he can be on par with.

What if I were so bold, so controversial so as to say that the man who chooses to be with a Gringa isn’t interested in Chilean women in the first place? I say this because I take G as an example who was once married to the quintessential Chilean woman back when he himself was SO NOT who he is today. And today, as a bad ass in his career, a guy who has his act together, confident and engaging he tells me that in general (GENERAL, people) Chilean women as partners bore him. Hello!!! BORE HIM. Then again, my Chilean guy is SO NOT typical, it only makes sense that he and I are together. In fact, we’re so made for each other, we first determine what is standard or “envasado” and we request the exact opposite – almost always.

In the end, there are all kinds of women out there, Chilean and not, as is the case with men.

But being 8 days away from getting married, I’m happy to conclude that the kind of man who marries this Gringa is – simply put – amazing. What makes him unique is that he loves me for the bizarre mix of customs I myself am. Being “American” but with “Chilean” ancestry and family, I’m a smorgasbord of characteristics and ideologies (some good, some annoying) and regardless of being Gringa or Chilean or what have you, he makes me always want to be a better version of me.

Here’s hoping I do the same for him!

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20 thoughts on “What kind of Chilean man marries a Gringa?

  1. I love this post and I'm so glad you had the guts to say what I'm sure many gringas are thinking!!! Although I'm not in the long-term committed relationship that a lot of gringas here are, I've dated my share of Chileans (some more seriously than others) and the reasons they said that they wanted to date me is exactly what you said–they found my independence, adventuresome, go-getter spirit to be attractive. That's not to say that there aren't Chilean women like this, but I think they might be harder to find.

  2. Haha, yes, we were all back in the U.S. crying because we couldn't catch a man and then a brilliant idea occurred to us, "I'll come to Chile because surely it's easier to catch a man there!"

    HA. That is the most ridiculous notion!!!

    Off to tell Seba he's officially a rockstar 🙂

  3. Whoa. There are just no words for that. I didn't read that post of Kyle's (although I will now) but seriously!?!?! Sounds like the ramblings of a bitter, bitter person.

    Good luck with those vows:)

  4. This is an awesome post and voices what we were all thinking/fuming over after reading Kyle's post… Great blog too 🙂

  5. Very well put. I came to Chile 4 years ago as a 20 year old study abroad student, fell in love, and now have been happily married to my Chilean man for 1.5 years. Definitely wasn’t running away from anything and fate brought me here, not insecurities. Haven’t read what people wrote on your friends’ blog but sounds ridiculousss.

    1. If you can, check out what was written on Kyle’s blog back in the day regarding a Chilean man marrying a Gringa. So absurd, it’s unreal that people actually THINK that way. In the end though I think it’s hard for some Chileans to believe that women are ballsy and follow their dreams, regardless of geography. Most Chileans I know, even well-traveled Chileans, wouldn’t dream of ever starting a life outside of Chile and if so, it’s always “temporary.” Gumption and balls, that’s what we have and the men who marry us value that.

  6. Totally unsure, because I’m a Chilean male. What I’m sure are the types of guys gringas will run away from:

    1. The “Andean” looks: Sorry peruvians. I know some gringas like ‘latino’ looking guys, but I’ve never seen any gringa dating a guy with the ‘Evo Morales’ looks (Google President of Bolivia).
    Maybe riding llamas or wearing multicolored wool hats, doesn’t look *hot* 😀

    2. Mamones (mom’s guys): Yeah, gringas know that hispanics love family values, and like to stay in touch with relatives. But if the guy is past his 30s and still living with mom & dad, and doesn’t feel shame of it, that’s another story.

    3. Machistas: Gringas like a man that acts and thinks like a man. I mean, he’s got his beliefs, his opinions and goals in life, but if he wants her only to cook for him, wash the dishes and look hot for him every night, she’d probably start looking for another guy.

    4. Fats. Yeah, we know gringas come from Fatland, but that’s exactly why they’re moving away from home. They are bored of their jelly looking guys up there, so they spent hours digging vids and stuff on Google about Latin America, Chile, etc, before buying the tickets. Eventually, they got convinced that in LA all guys are hot, sun tanned and have iron abs.
    Once they set foot in Chile, they hit the wall of the truth, but some still have hope and self respect.

    5. The *followers*: Women like leaders everywhere. If you are laid back, lazy, don’t have goals or care about your career, you’re a follower. You’re probably fine with some random job just to make a living, don’t care much about your future, and are insecure about your self or your career. Those guys should forget about gringas -and any other women.

  7. I love your gusto and your guts. I am traveling through Colombia and stumbled on your blog. Thanks for representing us with finesse! How’s married life ? Settled in yet?

    Trish from Texas

  8. I love your gusto and your guts. I am traveling through Colombia and stumbled on your blog. Thanks for representing us with finesse! How’s married life ? Settled in yet?

    Trish from Texas

  9. As the pretty independent person that I am, let me begin by saying I am not appalled and I still want to share my two cents worth. Why am I not appalled? I guess since I was born and raised in Chile I am able to look at this issue from a slightly different angle. Left Chile and attended university in Ohio at 19. Them moved to Canada where I’ve lived most of my life.

    I decided not a marry a Chilean woman because I was looking for a person who would challenge my views and stand up to her own beliefs. Many Chilean women still haven’t evolved to that level.

    By the way, I did marry an import from Ireland! 🙂

    Generally speaking men who hold the views that Kyle and you have expressed here, are not representative of most Chilean men. As you well know by now, the lower the level of education, the more likely their opinions are to be a carbon copy of that person’s sphere of influence and environment.

    When you move up the education ladder, you’ll find that Chilean men are simply more open and mature than those who come from a ‘lower social strata’. That is not a racist statement. Chile is well known for having and still practising discrimination based on dozens of classifications and social levels.

    This is not a uniquely Chilean phenomenon. Talk to a southern person born and raised in the U.S. Bible belt, and then speak to a college graduate in north eastern U.S. or California. It goes without saying that their views on women, religion and society are most likely to be as different as sunshine and rain.

    Suffice to say, I personally disagree with the views of all machista Chilenos who in most cases have never been more than a hundred miles away from home.

    1. Hi Prime John,
      Thanks for your comments.
      I’m not so sure that going up the “education ladder” helps everyone. I’ve met several men from this group in Chile and they tend to be the most closed-minded about women (stop working, stay at home with the kids, etc). I think it depends on each person because the longer I’m in Chile, the more I see that yes, the machismo is diluted with each generation, but it continues to exist loud and proud to some degree in all men.
      Except mine.. he’s perfect!
      :o)

    1. Hi Ella,
      Thanks for your comment. Not sure what you mean but in general there aren’t true morenas here in Chile (not like in Brazil or Colombia!).

  10. I’m a 21 year old chilean that loves American woman because they are kind, very sweet and smart but just to add something, it really comes to my mind that there is a selected type of gringa that comes down here like with higher education and standards the average pop American girl is still in the US tweeting 😉 so we love the style of Americans we get here they come selected in stead of looking for a Chilean with this attitude its like looking for this girls in America but they are no longer there…..

  11. Finding this blog post explains a lot about my husband… who I felt was a basic bait & switch, lol.

    Not sure if I have the patience to wait out some of his weird views (that didn’t come out until it’s too late)

  12. I am engaged to a chiliean man who in my book is a wonderful man. We are in a long distance relationship but will marry when I move to Chile in a couple of years. Wish it was sooner. My question to Andrea, “I want to marry my Fiance in his hometown in Chile. What must I do and need to get married there? “I will be living in Chile forever,never to return to America to live again. Thank you for your help.

  13. OMG !

    Every thing sound so bitter …

    It is really sad but true , Gringas do not have the most glorious reputation in most countries , ” It is not your fault or mine ” .

    Reputation is build by actions of some people .

    I remember my first years in college in a USA , California University . really hard socially experience . I was used to go out to friends home , have some sodas , piscolas and a great night long conversation , cool group of male and female friends as the night went by every one went to their home relaxed and happy . Normal Chilean meeting .

    The first time I was asked out by a male at college with a non dating mind of my own , just a friendship same as Chile , To my surprise … this nice gentlemen wanted to be more than friendly with me …
    Oh ! to my chilean mentality . Try to kindly explained that it was not the way I , we , Chileans go out , He was not really happy with my rejection but at least he took me back to the dorm .

    My first college party WOW ! it was like seen on tv , drinks splashed on the tables and floors , every body drunk and more than friendly ( it is not that chileans do not get drunk , they do )
    The level of friendliness is very friendly … friendly, friendly . The only non drunk at the party was a french girl and me , that we keep looking at each other , with a total puzzle mind and ended up going to a taco place down the street and we had a great conversation , she still my friend until now .

    I must be totally agree with your boring perspective of chilean females , people at this party were tons of fun , and they really knew how to stimulate themselves by drinking and doing other things . They had a blast ! according to their level . And yes we attended to few other parties and met more boring people like us a long the way .

    Here the norm is , that females are a lot , a lot more confident with themselves and free with their bodies than a normal chilean female , I am not excluding that you can not see those cases in chile yes you can . Is just that in USA more free people got together , live here and raised their kids with a free mentality , The results of the free mentality is that most of the kids have grown up experiences at early age since they leave home or are kicked out at the end of high school . regardless that hight school parties are very similar to college parties .

    This is just different realities , lives styles and mentalities . very one meet or mate with their own kind , regardless the race or background .

    If you want to have lots of fun ! you go with some one that gives you and stimulate you in the way your mind and experiences register FUN!

    If you are and intelectual that is what you look for , and intelectual mate .

    If you are an artist , if you are professional , if you are a politician , etc …

    I am not discriminating or judging how people conduct themselves or live their life .

    Every thing is a freedom of choices . Every where you go you meet people and you bond with the ones that are like you … the one with similar interest .

    I know it is not easy to be a foreign person , you have to adapt and to learn different things , some are pleasant some are not according to our education and back ground .

    How you can accomplish success ? by been confident with in yourself and not been taken by little things .or pettiness , like he chose me because I am fun ? , what name should I name my kids ? I came down here because of love ? I have courage … etc , etc.
    When you know who you are , when you are confident about yourself you do not need to prove or say nothing to no one !

    Life is a journey , life is a wonderful experience , life is a beautiful school . Every place in the world have a wonderful experience waiting for us , we learn and we teach . Be positive and your life will change !

    Enjoy the ride !

    A big hug and the best to you !

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