One year ago today

One year ago today was the last time I would wake up in my own apartment; the last time I’d be living my single life; the last time I would drink the best latte in the world from the best neighborhood cafe in the world (Borrones); the last time I would have a sleep over with my best friend, where it would be just me and her in my apt.

A year ago today, I left California and boarded an American Airlines flight to Santiago, to begin my new life here.

It was the last time I walked down the tree lined streets of Menlo Park.

The last time I could call California my home, with a permanent address and a mailbox that proved I lived there.

It was the last time my Uncle Pato ever went to pick me up at my apartment.

It was the last time I walked through the kitchen, the living room, my bedroom … and realized that what I had accomplished alone was passing. I had gone from being a pathetic mess over one failed relationship after another, feeling like a failure who lived with her mom for so long and couldn’t branch out on her own, feeling like my career was going nowhere and in short, feeling stuck … and I turned a new leaf and began to own my life and my choices in a way I had never done before.

That apartment embodied all of that and all four small rooms contained a memory of each and every little accomplishment I had ever set out for my single self.

My bedroom the day before I left California.

The same bedroom only six months earlier.

Leaving California was hard. It was hard to see my beloved apt reduced to nothing more than wall-to-wall carpeting and window blinds. It was hard to say goodbye to my best friend, knowing that I would NEVER, for as long as I would be away, ever form friendships as strong as I have in California.

It has been hard adapting to a country that has amazing resources and great potential, but that, realistically, is light years behind more developed countries like the U.S.

I miss home and sometimes G gets sad when I tell him that. But the thing is, he’s the reason I’m here. He’s all the reason I’ll ever need to motivate me to move from Pole to Pole. I said to him the other day: “I would follow you to Afghanistan and back, so long as I was with you.” And it’s true.

But the reality is that to me, being in Chile is not an accomplishment and it’s so far from where I thought I’d be in life, it’s almost comical.

However, HE is the accomplishment and what we have together is also so far from where I thought I’d be in life. I was convinced I’d never find someone like him, amazing in so many ways. I am truly blessed with him – because of him and because of who I am and who I want to be when I’m with him. Just better, all around. Does he make the move to Chile worth it? A million times yes.

But as an independent woman, someone who values strength and autonomy as well, I want to find my own path in this narrow land … so far it’s been hard.

One year later, I’ve taken steps, but I’m miles (or kilometers) away from making strides.

Pretty much the last view I had of my apartment, my life in California, on July 17, 2009.
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5 thoughts on “One year ago today

  1. Wow, I am starting to relate to the reducing my space to nothing feeling, it's hard to look around here and begin to see my things disappearing into suitcases and boxes.

    I guess this is all proof that life is always taking us in unexpected directions. Being grateful for what you found with G is inspiring for those of us that are still looking! 🙂

  2. I honestly got teary eyed reading this.. I guess I am glad I have not built up so much yet. Did the year go by fast or slow?

  3. I can totally relate to your situation, but the other way around, I miss Chile so much and I appreciate, now even more, all the little things that make me love that Country so much.
    I've only being living in CA for 6 months and hopefully in the future I will call it my home, because so far I still don't. Even though I have a P.O Box and papers that prove this IS my home now. Just like you, Love is the reason for everything, but it would be nice to feel as independent as I was before.
    Send an empanada my way!

  4. Hi, just stumbled upon your interesting blog: me too I've been an expat living in Dubai for years before coming back home in Italy so I totally get your feelings but Joy is right saying that love is the reason for everything. I wish you all the best, take care, ciao.

  5. wow i actually found this post to be sorta sad…it's crazy what we do for love isn't it? moving all over the world…readjusting everything we know…you are not lucky to have found G, it's something you (both) deserve…it is an accomplishment to find someone smart, hard-working, successful, hot, nice, etc etc…(like how i put hot before nice?) maybe i'll end up back in chile myself in a few years…you never know la vueltas de la vida. you're ski pix were super cute btw. xo

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